Author Topic: Jolley the swagman The star ball 13/2  (Read 515 times)

Ian H

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1874
    • View Profile
Jolley the swagman The star ball 13/2
« on: November 12, 2013, 08:53:28 AM »
The twins had put country maid dresses on over their leotards and now were wearing high chefs hats seeing Jolley they threw their arms around his neck and each gave him a peck on each cheek. They did their twins act two voices one sentence. “How is our favourite swaggie today?”

Jolley grinned. “How are my favourite buffalo Annies today?”

The manager looked like he was getting annoyed.

The twins did their twin act again. “Your usual Jolley?”

Jolley nodded. The manager looked at the girls. “I can see I won't get any sense from Jolley till he has eaten. I'll have a buffalo burger.”

The watched as one of the twins buttered two slices of light rye bread then from the charcoal grill she tonged the thickest steak she could find and placed it on one slice of bread topped it with fresh tomato, onion grated carrot and lettuce. She closed the lid and handed it to Jolley.

Jolley took a bite. “Delicious I hope you didn't BBQ George.”

Both twins gave elfin smiles. “He came through the wall of fire without even a singe. This is one of George's sons.”

Both men started towards where the work men were busy. The manager cleared his mouth. “You heard about the death this morning? It has cast a pall over the whole proceedings. The committee has decided to liven things up by having a star light ball tonight. But there in lays a problem.”

Jolley waited till he swallowed his mouthful. “Go on.”

The manager looked solemn. “Where do you find a band at such short notice?”

Jolley who had a mouthful just shrugged.

The manager chuckled. “The only band we could find is the one from the returned veterans home  They are reasonable but age has caught up with them. They can't play for long with out a rest. Could you please fill in the gaps with your squeeze box?”

That night the stars were reflected back at the heavens by the polished floors, the moon hung overhead like a giant spot light. At one end a stage had been erected with a long ramp behind it.

Jolley was watching the band arrive. The trombonist slowly working his wheel chair up the ramp. “My God how old are they?”

The manager laughed. “They are all WW2 veterans. The youngest is eighty six.”

Jolley surveyed the arrivals The locals seemed to have a uniform. The women all wore pale blue Levis that looked like they had been sprayed on, shiny black RM boots with flat heals, tight chequered shirts that clung to ever curve and the only display of personality was the hair styles of their bare heads.

The men wore the same uniform from the boots up but on their heads were the inevitable Akruba hats.

To the uneducated eyes the hats all seemed the same but Jolley grinned at the rural snobbery. The wider the brim the smaller the ranch they worked on. Whilst those with almost no brim came from the vast sprawling spreads.

The locals were far outnumbered by men in formal suits and women in a variety of evening dress the tourists.

It was the ringing sound of a slap and a string of foul language that grabbed Jolley's attention


Cathrobin

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1054
    • View Profile
Re: Jolley the swagman The star ball 13/2
« Reply #1 on: November 12, 2013, 11:05:54 AM »
good cliffhanger.

You preach a good lesson in avoiding "telling" rather than showing, but frankly,  I love your descriptive passages...true, the show as well as tell.  Like this one:
That night the stars were reflected back at the heavens by the polished floors, the moon hung overhead like a giant spot light. At one end a stage had been erected with a long ramp behind it.
Jolley was watching the band arrive. The trombonist slowly working his wheel chair up the ramp. “My God how old are they?”


But I love the language you use in these descriptive passages.
Cathleen

EverJack

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1058
    • View Profile
Re: Jolley the swagman The star ball 13/2
« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2013, 01:32:02 PM »
Great showing of the stage and full moon......  I could see it.

Good grief.....  a slap.....  Did they let the Publican out of jail? ::)

Ed