Ians Lessons 2

[nightduty]

Ians Lessons 2. These are harder than one expects. For me the difficulty was the plain writing, without the showing. 

Raw:
Jacko walked to the door. Spoke briefly with the secretary and walked away.

Edited:

Pulling the car to a screaming halt, Jacko bounded out and up to the door, pressing the bell. Silence. Quizzically he looked at the buzzer, not realizing there was a camera within. A robust woman answered, hiding a smirk. She passed the run sheet over and abruptly shut the door.

Jacko cocked an eyebrow, turned and looked down at the sheet. Swearing as he walked back to his car. There was a note on the sheet, handwritten.

It read:
Please do not be a hoon in company vehicles and do not rev the car at 4am. You are on camera and it has been taped. This is your first warning.
Management.


So how'd I do?

[Ozzie Ian]

Fi
Once again you did very well. I'll be leaving the next one to later my head is spinning.

Ian

[NISCI]

This is another great example.  The first line was ‘throw away’ but now you have really created a scene.

David.

[robocat]

Again...well embellished the second time around.  I smiled when you said it was hard to write "telling."  You are very good at creating setting and mood by showing.  I think it's gotten to be second nature to you now.
CAthleen